I'm Not Letting Go
by SawyerSeville19
Summary: Logan decides to tell Kendall how he feels. My first BTR story! Co-written with AndAllThatGoodStuff! Read and review! ONESHOT


_**This is my first ever BTR story and I was extremely worried about writing it. I haven't seen the show nearly as much as I've read stories of them. But thankfully AndAllThatGoodStuff co-wrote with me and gave me ideas for my part. I hope to write more. I plan to. This was so much fun! I hope you all like it!**_

_**-LoganHendersonLover19  
**_

* * *

It took him a long while to fully grasp what had just taken place less than five minutes ago. He still remained stock still standing beside his bed. He barely processed the shallow breathing escaping his body as he shook with the tears that were trying to fall, but his subconscious wouldn't allow it.

He had finally done it. After weeks of building up the courage, weeks of making sure he had been one hundred percent accurate it was mutual, he had finally done it. Everything he had thought was right had been wrong. All the signals…all the brief but constant touches, they had been misread entirely.

Logan's legs felt weak all of a sudden and he sat down on his bed, eyes still on the door that Kendall had used to walk out of his life, at least that's how it felt to him. He had ruined their friendship for good. He knew there was no way things could ever be completely the same now. Just the thought of looking into Kendall's green eyes sent a stabbing pain into his heart.

How could he have misread everything?

-BTR-

_Logan smiled as he watched the way Kendall's eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated on the assignment at hand. Like routine, directly after school Kendall walked with him to his house so they could work on the homework they were assigned that particular day. He had already gotten more than halfway through with the assignment they were both working on, and now he was waiting for Kendall to catch up._

_Sensing a gaze on him, Kendall glanced from his assignment and met Logan's dark brown eyes before the shorter male looked away and focus on the paper in front of him, a bright blush rising to his face. Kendall kept his gaze lingering on him for a few more seconds before smiling slightly and returning to his assignment._

_The smile vanished and he pouted, "Logie, I'm stuck…" Logan's heart skipped a beat at the way he whined out his nickname._

_He cleared his throat. "With what question?" Kendall straightened up and slid his paper to Logan and pointed to the problem he had gotten stuck on. Logan examined the work he had done. "I see what you did," he said and grabbed his pencil and began explaining the steps to the problem._

"_Logan," Kendall cut him off in mid-explanation. Logan looked up at him and Kendall smiled. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said with a laugh. Logan blushed._

"_Sorry," he said sheepishly. Kendall chuckled and ruffled his hair, causing the pale blush to darken two full shades._

"_It's fine," he reassured. "Just know I'm not as smart as you are."_

_Logan's eyes widened. "You are smart, Kendall!" Kendall smiled._

"_I know, just not as smart as my little Logie." Logan smiled shyly._

* * *

_Logan, Kendall, James and Carlos were all at James' house on a gloomy Saturday afternoon. Kendall, Carlos and James were sitting on the couch playing a video game. Logan chose to stay out and was reading a book._

"_Aw, you cheated!" Carlos accused James when the current match was over. James looked over at the short Latino._

"_No, you just stink at this game," he said. Carlos was about to retort when James turned his attention from him and called to Logan, who was on another couch. Logan looked up. James held out the controller to him. "Your turn."_

"_No thanks," Logan said, shaking his head. "Video games rot your mind." He looked back down at his book. _

_James smirked as he glanced at Kendall, who was picking his new character and looked back at Logan. "Come on Logan, I wanna take a break. We need three people to play."_

_Logan looked up again with a sigh. "Fine, one game can't hurt." He closed his book and stood at the same time as James. He took the controller and sat down where James sat, which was between Kendall and Carlos._

_He picked his character and waited on Carlos before they began the game. Logan knew how to play because he would watch Kendall when he played. There were three rounds to each match. While they played, James returned with a drink and sat down where Logan had been sitting. _

_There was silence except for the sounds coming from the game. When the match ended, Carlos let out a shrill gasp. "Logan won!" He looked over at him. "How'd you win? You never played before!"_

_Logan chuckled slightly, running his hand through his hair. "Well, I have watched you guys…"_

_Kendall smiled and nudged Logan with his shoulder, getting his attention. "You're adorable, Logie." He ruffled his hair—a common action—and gave his shoulder a soft squeeze before turning back to the game. _

_Logan's blush was evident on his face and he was smiling hugely, his heart pounding hard in his chest._

* * *

_Logan stood by his locker, flipping through his notes for his next class. He had a test coming up today and he wanted to refresh his memory beforehand. _

"_Logan!" He heard his name bounce down the halls, the voice coming from his left. He looked up and down the hall to see Kendall running towards him. Before he could even open his mouth to ask what was up, Kendall slid to a halt in front of him, pulling him into a bear hug and spinning him around. The action knocked his notebook from his hands. _

_Logan clung to Kendall's waist as he spun in multiple circles before stopping and setting him down. Logan swayed slightly, keeping his grip on Kendall's shirt and blinking a few times. Kendall laughed, hugging Logan again tightly. Logan blushed deeply as Kendall broke the hug._

"_What's going on, Kendall?" he asked, slowly gathering his bearings from the mixed reactions he felt due to being held so tightly against him. Kendall let go of Logan—Logan missed the contact instantly—and handed him a piece of paper. Logan took it and looked at it. His smile was instantaneous and he beamed at Kendall. "You passed the test! That's wonderful Kendall!"_

_Kendall grinned. "I wouldn't have been able to if you hadn't helped me, Logie. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're amazing." He hugged Logan once more, nuzzling his face into his hair. Logan's heart was racing, and he prayed Kendall couldn't feel it through their tight embrace._

* * *

"_Shouldn't he be out by now?" Carlos asked his two friends as he fidgeted on his feet, looking at all angles at the entrance of their school, as though if he looked in a different way, he'd see their missing friend. "He never takes this long to come out." The worry was evident in his voice and posture._

_Kendall stood rigid as he stared at the entrance. Each student that came out wasn't Logan. Carlos was right; Logan should be out by now. "I'm gonna go look for him."_

"_We'll go too," James said. _

"_No, stay here in case he comes out." James nodded and watched Kendall head back into the building._

_-BTR-_

_Logan cowered in the corner of the wall in the boys' locker room, his knees drawn tightly to his chest and his fearful brown eyes on the three jocks that had chosen to jump him today. Two of them reached down and pulled him onto his feet by his arms and held him against the wall._

"_Logan Mitchell. School genius and social outcast," the leader of the three said, his arms folded across his chest. Logan hadn't been a social outcast since he met Kendall, James and Carlos. But he rarely strayed from his three best friends, so the statement was true to an extent. "What are you doing without your friends around?"_

_Logan shuddered. He hadn't been targeted by these guys since Kendall had been out sick in the beginning of the year. Kendall had been furious when he saw what they did to him._

_Before Logan even saw it coming, he had the breath knocked out of him as a strong punch nailed him right in his stomach. He couldn't double over due to the strong grips on his arms keeping him standing. He groaned in pain, clenching his jaw and closing his eyes._

_The next hit was a kick to his side and searing pain erupted there, causing him to cry out. He knew the next hit was going to be to his face, the hits always went in order. _

_The next thing he heard was the sound of footsteps and then of a heavy punch hitting someone's jaw. The weight on his arms vanished and he slid against the wall slightly, wrapping an arm around his left side. He opened his eyes to see Kendall fighting with all three of the jocks. His eyes widened at the scene. _

_In a matter of seconds, the bullies were running out of the locker room. Kendall hurried to Logan's side, examining him for injuries. He lifted his arm gently from his body so he could see the damage done to his side. _

_Logan flinched as Kendall lifted his shirt to see how bad the damage was. The feeling of his fingers lightly prodding the bruise made his body jump as a shock ran through his system. _

"_Sorry," Kendall murmured as he looked at Logan's face. Logan shook his head, __silently_ saying it was OK . Kendall lowered the clothing back and straightened up. "I meant sorry for letting this happen."

"_It's not your fault Kendall," Logan assured. "It's not that bad." His breath hitched when he was pulled into a hug._

"_I'm not going to let this happen again, Logie," Kendall whispered. "I'm going to always protect you. No one is going to hurt my Logan again." Logan hugged him back, nuzzling his face against his chest._

"_Thanks, Kendall…"_

He thought he had it all figured out. Kendall was so sweet, affectionate, and protective of him—more than he ever was with James or Carlos. He thought he was special to him. He thought that Kendall got that same warm feeling in his chest every time they locked eyes or accidentally brushed against each other.

He was so sure of it that with every smile that was shared, every gesture that was given, and every "Logie" that was spoken, his confidence went up—so much that he got the bright idea to finally tell Kendall how he felt. He called his best friend and the taller boy was over his house within a few minutes.

_Logan's hands were shaking and his heart was beating loudly in his ears as Kendall sat down on his bed and patiently waited for him to start speaking. Logan opened his mouth but no words came out, so he shut it. When he thought he finally knew what to say, he opened his mouth only to quickly shut it again. This went on for maybe a full minute and Kendall let out a chuckle. Logan couldn't blame him. He probably looked like a gaping fish. "Just say it," Kendall insisted with a supportive smile. "What's on my cute little Logie's mind?"_

_A blush made its way up his neck and to his cheeks and suddenly the room grew ten times hotter. He drew in a deep breath, getting up to crack the window—but really he just needed to move around a bit. He started pacing up and down his room and Kendall followed his every move until Logan stopped, took in a deep breath and spoke, "I'm just going to say this." Kendall nodded, still waiting patiently. "I, uh...I l-like you...like really like you...as more than a friend."_

_The genius was afraid to look at his friend. He didn't know what he'd see when he turned around, but the silence coming from the other side of the room was killing him. He slowly turned to look at Kendall, brows furrowing at the look on Kendall's face. He wasn't angry—that was a good sign—but he wasn't happy either. His bottom lip was wrenched between his teeth and his eyes were sad and wouldn't meet his own. "Kendall...will you say something...?"_

_When he sighed and looked somberly at his best friend, Logan knew he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear. "Listen, Logie...I know you like me," he started. "I've known for a while and I thought it was cute that you have a little crush on me," Kendall grinned a little but his smile fell as he continued, "but I only like you as a friend."_

_Logan inhaled sharply, eyes moving away from Kendall to stare at his bedroom floor. His chest was tight and he could feel tears pricking at his eyes but he didn't dare let them fall. He heard his bed squeak and footsteps moving across the floor before he was wrapped up in a pair of long arms. "Please don't be upset, Logan," Kendall mumbled into his hair. "I'm always going to be your friend, and I'll love you no matter what but..."_

_The brunet hiccuped but tried to pass it off as a chuckle, wiping his eyes and forcing a smile on his face. "Don't worry about it," he shrugged. "It's not like I expected you to feel the same way or anything. I just thought that you should know."_

"_Are you sure?" Kendall's brows were knitted together as he studied the shorter boy's expression. _

"_Pft," Logan laughed, backing away from the taller boy, "totally okay with it."_

_Kendall watched him for a while, noting how Logan refused to meet his eyes—he actually refused to face him all together—before he gave a small shrug. "Well, I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me."_

"_Of course, Kendall. You're my best friend." Logan tried to keep his voice steady as he spoke, but the tears were quickly falling and his throat was growing tight. Part of him wanted Kendall to just leave already so that he could cry his heart out or until his body just couldn't produce tears anymore—whichever came first—but another part of him wanted Kendall to stay and comfort him the way he always did._

_Kendall sighed, briefly considering wrapping Logan in a hug and hold him until the pain went away, but he didn't think that would help him. So he muttered and a quick, "See you later, Logie," ignoring the audible sob he heard as he turned around to leave._

_It was when he heard the front door downstairs shut before the reality of what just happened hit him and he broke down fully._

And he still didn't understand.

Why did Kendall act that way with him if he hadn't felt the same way?

He was confused and heartbroken and he wished he had never fallen for the blond in the first place. He wanted it all to go away—how great it felt being around him, how special he felt when those eyes were on him, and how his heart sped up every time they lightly brushed against each other—everything that made his chest clench painfully and wrack his whole body with sobs he wanted to let go of.

But as he thought about it...he laughed.

Through his tears, he laughed because as bittersweet as it was, he knew he wouldn't be letting go of Kendall any time soon.

* * *

_**And there it is! My first BTR story. Writing with AndAllThatGoodStuff was so much fun and I look forward to doing it again! Please review!**_


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